I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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