he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
