so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
