I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
