Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
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