I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
