You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
a search helicopter?!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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