Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
