I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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