i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
