Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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