the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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