a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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