This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
