There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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