Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
