so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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