I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
