Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i came on her dog
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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