Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
