You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Drake has all the answers
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
