Already got asked if we're dating
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
