best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
