Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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