ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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