He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
