OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
