There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
