I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
