TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
