apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
