Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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