32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
