i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
