ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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