paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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