dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
