your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
