Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
