It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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