we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
