is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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