I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
