oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
