I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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