The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
