Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
