All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
