Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
whose parrot is this?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
