don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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