he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
