I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
